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Jaded Raw Review - 4/8/13

April 9th, 2013 (08:07 pm)

Jaded Raw Thoughts – 4/8/13
Misc.: JBL is still on commentary. Lots of Wrestlemania talk. They actually play one of the songs from the Second Rocky movie for the promos, “Going The Distance”.

Backstage: Vicki and Maddox are still annoying as hell. Sheamus wants to kick the bead off of “that giant piece of crap” Big Show. We are edging away from PG here. Booker and Randy bond over the HOF ring before Booker lets Randy have a match against Show. Dolph celebrates his win in the back and calls this his Wrestlemania moment. Sheamus and Randy have a lovers tiff in the back about wanting to fight Big Show. Heyman bitches and moans about Brock losing, but promises that he will fight tonight.

Cena: Lots of heat for Cena. Cena’s shirt is idiotic. Lots of boo’s, even when Cena asked for cheers. “But I think you guys are a little angry tonight…” YA THINK!? He thinks it’s because Wrestlemania’s over, but it’s not. There are actual “Boring” chants also. Cena trolls the crowd and it actually earns some cheers. “Same old Shit” chant, too. Henry comes out after Cena boasts he’ll take on anybody tonight. Cena’s “They wanna have sex with chocolate” joke about the “Sexual Chocolate” and then the “Feed Me More” jokes were actually kinda funny. Saying that Henry has “The Breath of a thousand asses” was also kinda funny. Cena challenges Henry for the title, but Booker comes out to stop it, saying the Rock has a rematch in his contract. Cena drops a meta-humor joke about the rematches. Booker looks like he has a beehive on the back of his head with how his dreadlocks are tied. He makes a match between Cena and Henry for tonight and if Henry wins, he gets a shot at Cena’s title. That makes little to no sense.

Big E Langston Vs Daniel Bryan: This is Big E’s first Raw match. Big E is a pretty good wrestler. Daniel’s over like crazy. AJ distracts the ref to let Ziggler interfere. Kane gets Ziggler, but Langston tosses Daniel into Kane. Big E scores the win with a modified cutter called The Big Ending. “I just saw a flying goat” – JBL. It’s also worth noting that Ziggler has YET to cash in his Money in the Bank contract.

The Miz Vs Wade Barrett: Mix beat Wade for the I.C. title last night. Wade gets the jobber entrance. Really good match. Crowd is screwy tonight, cheering for the heels. Some England chants mixed in with the Miz chants. There’s a commercial during the match. Wade is quite vicious towards Miz and JBL approves of Wade’s actions. Some good moves and Miz sicks the Figure Four on Wade like he did the night before, but Wade breaks the hold. A “You fucked up” chant pops up after a botch. Wade seemed to bit his lip open after a DDT. Wade beats Miz with a right cross after Miz knocked himself silly by running into the ring post and re-wins the Intercontinental title. Poor Miz.

Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter Vs Alberto del Rio: Zeb gets a “What” chant during his opening speech. “We Want Ziggler” chants during the match. JBL claims that Zeb is speaking his mind while Cole complains about Zeb doing sneak hits when the ref isn’t watching. Commercial during the match. Match is alright, but not that awesome. Alberto makes Swagger tap to the cross-arm breaker, but Alberto’s left leg is hurt. Dolph comes out and FINALLY CASHES in his MITB contract. Dolph unloads on Alberto’s leg, does the Zig-Zag, and tries to win, but Alberto kicks out. Dolph again unloads and Alberto almost wins with a one legged enzigiri. Everyone is going nuts. This is actually getting tense. Alberto locks another cross-arm breaker on Ziggler, but Ziggler breaks the hold by attacking Alberto’s bad leg. ZigZag and Dolph wins. About fucking time Dolph finally cashed that bitch in.

Undertaker: Taker looks alright. Great pop for him. Taker gets on mike and starts to talk about the match. Shield comes out to interrupt. Taker is not happy. Kane and Daniel Bryan charge out to even the odds. Shield decides to wisely get the fuck out of there. Does this mean more Taker?

R-Truth, Santino Marella, and Zack Ryder Vs 3 Man Band: Whatever. Santino somehow scores the win. After all the awesomeness, I guess we needed a break from it.

Big Show Vs Sheamus: Sheamus, and then Orton, come out before Show does and they’re still tiffing over who should face Big Show. It goes to WWEActive to vote who should face Show. Results are towards Orton and Vicki and Booker come out. They make it Sheamus Vs Orton and the winner will face Big Show.

Sheamus Vs Randy Orton: The fans are on fire tonight and start doing an “Ole” chant that confuses everyone to a “Mike Chioda” chant. Good match with good action. The crowd is still going nuts with random chants (including a “RVD”, a “JBL”, and a Cole chant) and JBL and Cole are actually cracking up. They have to take a break because of the craziness. Crowd is still nuts with the chants and the commentators are loving it. Oh yeah, there’s a match going on. Oh, a Mexican wave and a “Randy Savage” chant that melted into a “HBK” one. Big Show comes out and kills Sheamus. “Thank you Big Show” chant as Big Show knocks out Orton with one punch. Big Show then pounds on Randy before goring him, earning a “Holy Shit” chant. Show kills Orton by putting him over the table. This… this was unbelievable.

Fandango Vs Kofi Kingston: Y’know, at this point, I noticed there was no Diva action tonight. The crowd starts singing Fandango’s entrance theme. Jericho charges out to beat the snot out of Fandango. Jericho beats the tar out of Fandango and drags him to the commentator table. Little moment: Jericho puts JBL’s hat back on JBL’s head. He chucks him into the steps and tosses him back into the ring. Jericho locks him in the Walls and several refs pull him off. Jericho hits a Code Breaker on Fandango and smirks. He poses and leaves. Crowd still sings along with Fandango’s song when it’s announced Fandango won due to the DQ.

The Bella Twins and Team Rhode Scholars Vs Tons of Funk and the Funkadactyls: This was supposed to be at Wrestlemania, but it was moved to Raw. Brodus and Tensai are in bitching suits and hats. Commercial and the match is in progress when we come back. Naomi does a very awesome head scissors on Cody. Tensai also invents a new game: Bowling for Cody – he pretty much charged at Cody and does a Rolling Senton Splash. It goes crazy for a bit and Sandow gets killed by Brodus and “Sweet T”. JBL is speechless and Cole ‘dances’. I think these three have just given up and are just having fun. Oh and the crowd was still doing Fandango’s music during the whole match.

Cena Vs Henry: Cole calls this an “Off the chart episode of Raw”. Crowd sang along to Mark’s theme, but they don’t with Cena. Cena’s shirt looks cheaply made. Alright match. Crowd is still chanting Fandango’s theme and Cena danced a bit to it. Henry gets the table ready for a spot and almost tosses Cena into it. Henry gets counted out after Cena tosses him into the steel steps and rolls in. Henry still gets back into the ring and slams Cena. He poses and Ryberg comes out to settle to score from last night. Ryback beats up Henry and gets into the “Feed Me More” chants. Ryberg sets his sights on Cena before offering a hand to help him up. They stare each other down and Ryberg lets him pose before getting another “Feed Me More” sing along… and then nails Cena. He then hits him with the shellshock and poses with the belt.

Overall: The highlight of this Raw was the very, VERY active crowd, especially in the last hour and half. The chants starting around that time was incredible and it looked like the commentators were breaking character so many times due to the chants. Congratulations to Wade and Dolph for their title victories. Also, props for some equally awesome non-title matches including the four on four mixed tag match. Raw was tons of fun and liked it a lot. I’d give it an 8.5 out of ten due to some minor problems but with a totally awesome crowd.