Shinigami 518's place of rants

Happy 2010

2010-01-01T05:22:38Z

Hello 2010, I'm ready for whatever you plan on throwing at me!

Happy New Years, everyone!

Gonna enjoy me some Whose Line. Episode of the new year?

Africa's a big ~~Country~~ Continent

But Seriously... - Sequel to Truly, Madly, Deeply - Part 1

2009-12-25T21:45:07Z

Merry Christmas! And here it is, ladies and gentlemen. Not yet complete in the typing stage, but complete in the writing stage: The final part of my WLIIA Affirmation four part series.

"But Seriously..."

Title: But Seriously….
Author: Shinigami518
Rating: PG-13, but with some bits of R in it for mpreg, swearing, some violence, and insanity
Main Character(s) and/or pairings: Ryan/Colin, Tony/Paul, Josie/Richard, Jeff/OFC, Stephen/Hugh (growing), OFC/OMC
Summary: few weeks after their wedding, Paul and Tony take the next step in their relationship: Parenthood. Paul undergoes the "Mpreg Operation" as Alicia and the trio calls it and now he and Tony are to be parents. Keeping this a secret from the news is going to be a bit hard, but with the help of their friends, they are ready.

View Affirmation here:
Epilogue, but with all parts linked

View Against All Odds here:
Epilogue, but with all parts linked

View Truly, Madly, Deeply here:
Epilogue, but with all parts linked

Part 1 – Something Happened on the way to Heaven

            August 6^th 2007
            England
            “I never thought I’d ever see this in my life. Paul, Tony, getting married!” Will heard Lee whisper to Richard, both men sitting behind him as he tried to observe the event before him.
            “I’ve seen Paul do this twice, and you know how they turned out… I think this one will be a long lasting one.” Richard told Lee, also whispering.
            “Hope so. I haven’t seen Paul this happy in years.” Lee nodded. Will sighed and looked over at his sister, who was watching with tears in her brown eyes, several falling down onto her dark blue v-neck sleeveless dress. The brunette removed her glasses and wiped her eyes with a tissue.
            Will then looked forward at what was making his sister cry and shook his head, a crooked smile on his face.
            Paul and Tony stood in front of the altar, having just started to exchange their vows. Both men were dressed elegantly in black tuxes, Tony was clean shaven and Paul’s hair was slicked back.
            The wedding was rushed somewhat due to Paul’s plans to travel to India for the second of his travel documentaries. The brunet would be leaving shortly after he returned from his and Tony’s honeymoon. So, they had opted for a small ceremony with only a select group of friends and family in a private outdoor ceremony. Both Tony and Paul’s sisters – Marlene and Libby - had come to the wedding, but Tony’s brothers were unable to come due to prior engagements but sending their love to their little brother.
            Paul took one of the two gold rings on the silk pillow held by Paul’s niece, Maggie. He then carefully slid it on to Tony’s left hand as he spoke the proper words, his voice wavering slightly, “Tony, in sickness and in health, I promise that I will love you, respect you, console you, be faithful to you, and protect you. From this day on until the day of my death, this do I swear.”
            With his hands trembling slightly Tony took the other wedding band and placed it on Paul’s left ring finger.
            “Paul, in sickness and in health, I promise that I will love you, respect you, console you, be faithful to you, and protect you. From this day on until the day of my death, this do I swear.” Tony repeated the same words, blinking back tears in his brown eyes. Stephen smiled and nodded at Julian, who stood next to him, both men serving as Best Men for their two friends.
            “May you always share with each other the gifts of love – be one in heart and in mind – may you always create a home together that puts in your hearts – love – generosity and kindness.
            In as much as Anthony and Paul have consented together in marriage before this company of friends and family and have pledged their faith – and declared their unity by giving and receiving a ring – are now joined.
            You have pronounced yourselves life partners, but remember to always be each other’s best friend.
            What – therefore – God has joined together – let no man put asunder.
            And so, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you life partners.
            You may now kiss.” The priest finished, gesturing to both men before him. Tony grinned impishly as he lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Paul’s neck, pulling him into a very passionate kiss.
            Applause and cheers erupted from their guests, a few wolf whistles thrown in for good measure.

“I can’t believe it’s finally happened. Tony, married, to Paul! It’s like a dream come true.” Emma exclaimed, wiping away tears of joy.
“I ‘m more surprised that its Tony getting married. Remember how shy he was when we were younger?” Hugh noted, reminiscing. Emma nodded, smiling in remembrance.

            “Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the newly married Paul and Tony Merton-Slattery!” The priest announced, prompting more cheers as Paul and Tony pulled apart, smiling at each other. Tony frowned slightly, reached up, and wiped a small tear from Paul’s eyes.
            “Are you alright?” Tony asked, concerned. Paul nodded, still smiling through tears that had begun to form in his blue eyes.
            “Yes, just… I love you, always.” Paul replied softly, cupping Tony’s face in his hands. They leaned into each other again until their foreheads touched, the two men smiling joyously. After everything that happened, they finally found peace in each other’s arms.

            Shortly afterwards…
            The reception, like the wedding, was a small, but lavish affair.   The party was held at Paul’s home, most of it being outdoors under several small white tents. Once there, everyone began to find themselves with their usual groups while others found themselves talking with people they didn’t know.
            Once Tony and Paul arrived lastly, the party was in full swing. The rental band began to play the first song, which happened to be the first dance for Tony and Paul.
            “Alright, ladies and gentlemen, its time for Tony and Paul’s first dance as newlyweds.” The MC, a young woman Alicia was friends with at the café she worked, said. “The song they chose was “Sexy Back” by Justin Timberlake… Just kidding folks! Their first song is “All You Need Is Love” by the Beetles.” The MC smiled cheekily. She turned to her band mates and gave them a nod to begin playing the song in question.
            If anyone had wandered in from off the street and saw Tony and Paul as they danced, he or she would’ve thought it was strange. For those who were there, it was a wonderful sight as Paul led Tony across the dance floor and danced as graceful as he could, considering Paul wasn’t much of a dancer like some of his friends.
            Once the song had finished and Paul and Tony had finally pulled apart, the party was thrown into full swing. Everyone went off to do their own thing, from dancing and drinking to snacking and talking.

<<<<<<<>>>>>>>

            “Is this whole thing awkward or is it me?” Julie asked Samantha, who sat next to her. Samantha had opted for a soft red short sleeve top with matching skirt that went pass her knees. She and Julie were sitting alone, watching everyone mingle and dance.
            “Why you say that?” Samantha asked back, curiously.
            “We’re the only two here not doing anything. Dad and your mom are chatting with the others, Will’s with Alicia, Melissa’s trying to take over the DJ position and Lennie’s hanging with Jim. And I feel like I’m a wedding crasher here. I hardly know anyone here, aside from a few select people we didn’t meet until Ryan and Colin’s wedding,” Julie groaned, slumping slightly in her chair. “Its times like this I wish I could actually drink some alcohol without fears of how it’ll affect me.” Julie stated, resting her chin on her fists as she leaned forward.
            “So I guess you’re either a designated driver or too young to drink?” A voice asked from behind the two young women, startling them and nearly making Samantha spill her glass of iced tea. The two women looked up at the owner of the voice. Julie blinked in surprise, and then smiled when she saw who it was.
            “I don’t want to find out I’m a violent or stupid drunk or just find out that I’ve got a low tolerance for the stuff, er, Julian, right?” Julie replied with a sigh, picking up her glass of water. Julian nodded, walking around to face the two.
            “Yes it is. There are some things I’m wondering, though - Julie and Samantha, correct?” Julian asked, pointing at the two women.
            “What do you want to know?” Samantha asked, raising an eyebrow.
            “You two were there during that whole ‘Lolita abduction fight’ that happened last year, right? Paul explained to me what happened, but…,” Julian frowned, grabbing a nearby chair and sitting down on it. “You were there when Tony… Tony saved Paul’s life back there. What happened there? Paul just said he saved his life and that Lolita was shot.” He went on, crossing his legs while sitting. Samantha looked at her friend, who looked down in silence.
            “Julie was there when… when that happened, Julian. She knows more about it than me.” Samantha replied, still looking at Julie. Julian turned to face the brunette, who finally began to speak.
            “It… I still have the occasional nightmare about it, but… it’s not as bad as it was after it happened.” Julie began, removing her glasses to rub the bridge on her nose in tension. Julian leaned towards the two young women, resting his arms on his knees.
            “Tell me.” Julian stated, seriously. Julie took a deep breath before putting back on her glasses.
            “Well, it was Paul, me, Jeff, Alicia, and Lennie – Melissa’s father, he’s the older looking blonde walking with a slight limp – together in a group. A guard had caused us to get separated from Lennie, so we were left wandering the halls, trying to find where Lolita was…” Julie began, brushing some strands of hair out of her eyes.

<<<<<<<>>>>>>>

            “So how long have you been… ill?” Jim asked the man sitting across from him.
            “A few years, ever since Alexandra died. I began to notice it a few months after her death.” Lennie replied. The two men had quickly became friends due to their shared illness and Lennie had just told Jim that they were the same.
            “How bad has it gotten?”
            “It’s been getting harder to walk for long periods of time, so much that I’m probably going to be needing a cane in a year or less. Melissa and a couple of my co-workers already know.” Lennie turned slightly in his chair, watching Melissa dance on the dance floor. She was with Neil and Lee, Alicia joining them as Lennie watched. “She was heartbroken about it when I told her a few months ago. I’m afraid of telling her sister, Christine, though.” Lennie went on sadly.
            “Why?” Jim asked, raising an eyebrow.
            “She… she hasn’t been the same since Alexandra died. She shut herself off from us, focused on her studies and became a nurse. I guess to make sure that no one else suffered like she did. Melissa’s been doing great, trying to break her out of her shell, but… when Christine finds out about this, I’m afraid of how it’ll affect her.” Lennie went on, still watching his youngest dance on the floor.

<<<<<<<>>>>>>>

            “Are you… happy, Paul?”
            Paul was caught off-guard by that question but not by the words, but due to who had asked it: Caroline Quentin, his first wife. Caroline was indeed invited to the party since Paul and she had still remained friends, even after separating, and the two had been talking pleasantly.
            “Happy… Yes, I think I am. I mean, I haven’t been this happy since…” Paul sighed, looking down at the glass of champagne in his hands.
            “…Since Sarah?” Caroline finished. Paul nodded slightly. “Did she... know?” Caroline asked, taking a drink from her drink.
            “About how I felt about Tony? She did, but she understood… and she still loved me. I wish I had told you sooner about what happened back then-.” Paul replied, then began to apologize.
            “Don’t. I had a feeling something happened back there, but that was years ago. We’ve all changed, all grown, Paul, and I’m very glad you re-found happiness.” Caroline cut him off, placing a comforting hand overtop his. Paul stared at the woman for a few silent seconds before smiling.
            “Thanks…, Rabbit Eyes.” Paul said, calling Caroline an old joking nickname from back when they were together.
            “Not a problem, Donkey Dick.” Caroline smiled back, playfully punching Paul in the arm. Paul chuckled and gave the woman a hug. Even if they weren’t together romantically anymore, friendship still remains.

<<<<<<<>>>>>>>

            “Enjoying yourself, Will?” Alicia asked, stepping off the dance floor and walking over to the tall young man.
            “Sorta. I feel even more awkward than at Ryan and Colin’s. At least there I knew some of the people I could talk to. Here: I don’t know more than half of these people.” Will replied with a sigh. Alicia scanned the room and noticed Julie, who had joined up with Melissa, talking with Ian Hislop, his wife, and Bill Bailey.
            “Your sister and Melissa sure are making friends, though.” Alicia noted, pointing at the two women in question.
            “That’s because Julie and Melissa know Paul and Tony more than any of us. Well, at least what they know, they’ve learned from the internet and you know how accurate that can be.” Will replied, a smirk on his face while saying the last words. Alicia laughed gently, making Will blush. Alicia noticed the young man’s reaction and began to blush as well.
            “So…, what do we do?” Alicia asked shyly.
            “About what?” Will asked, not really sure what she was saying.
            “About… us?” Alicia replied, gesturing between her and Will. Will blushed more.
            “Oh… that.” Will whispered, looking down shyly.
            “Yeah. That. Will, you know there’s something going on between us.” Alicia went on.
            “Alicia, we’re from two different worlds. Hell, we live in two different time zones!” Will replied in exasperation.
            “Don’t you think I know that? Ryan and Colin came from two different worlds, so did your parents, and look at them! Will, how are we going to deal with this?” Alicia shot back in anger, then asking with sadness in her voice. Will sighed, leaning back in his chair.
            “I don’t know…” Will replied, honestly. Alicia nodded before taking a seat next to Will. They stayed silent and still for several seconds before Alicia leaned to her side and rested her head on his right shoulder.
            Will didn’t tell her to move. He just sighed and tilted his head so it rested against hers as the two watched everyone dance.

<<<<<<<>>>>>>>

            Samantha sighed as she walked up the stairs, cursing to herself. The downstairs bathroom was already occupied – and probably would still be for a few more minutes judging from the way Josie exclaimed from inside, followed by whom probably was Richard adding in a few choice groans and moan – so all that was left was the upstairs one.
            As she walked pass the guest room, she heard something that made her stop in her tracks. Moaning. She backpedalled until she stood in front of the door of the room in question, staring at it in confusion. The moaning came again, and Samantha recognized it instantly.
            “Mr. Fry?” she whispered, walking to the door cautiously. Slowly and as silently as possible, she opened the door slightly and peaked in…
            …and as swiftly as she had opened it, closed the door, blushing beat red.
            “That was something… I didn’t want to and expect to see.” Samantha exclaimed in shock as she leaned against the now closed door.
            “Huh, see what, Sammie?” Alicia asked, walking up to the younger woman. Samantha ran a hand through her short black hair.
            “Ever walk in on your parents doing the mattress mambo?” Samantha asked.
            “Ugh, no!” Alicia shook her head with a grimace.
            “Well, guess who I just saw in there doing just that?” Samantha went on.
            “Richard and Josie?” Alicia asked, wincing in disgust.
            “No, they’re using the downstairs bathroom.” Samantha replied casually.
            “Hm, no wonder there’s a line down there,” Alicia muttered to herself, “So who’s in there?” She then asked, pointing at the door Samantha was leaning against.
            “Jeeves and Wooster.” Samantha replied, stating the names in a subtle manner. Alicia blinked several times, not really understanding the subtlety. Then she realized who the aliases belonged to and paled.
            “You… saw… Stephen and Hugh … do the frontal lobe tango?” Alicia asked, saying each word slowly as she comprehended what she heard. Samantha nodded, still blushing softly. Alicia smiled slightly. “So, they’re together now?” she mused, putting a hand to her chin in a thoughtful manner.
            “Sure looks and sounds like it.” Samantha nodded, blushing as she remembered what she had just saw.   Alicia walked over to the opposite wall and leaned against it, still in shock, but it was slowly fading away.
            “This is incredible.” She whispered in awe. She then began to blush as she then asked something that made Samantha blush harder. “Did- did you, erm, see who was on top?”
            “ALICIA, REALLY! That’s gross!” Samantha exclaimed, her face beat red in embarrassment.

<<<<<<<>>>>>>>

            “Alright, you two, you better tell us what you’re planning. I’ve been trying to get Col to spill, but he’s not giving me anything.” Ryan asked Paul and Tony, having dragged the two, with Colin following close behind, towards a private area in Paul’s backyard.
            “Can’t this wait until after the honeymoon?” Paul groaned, rubbing the back of his aching neck, which was sore from all the hugs he’d been getting from the guests. Ryan glared at the brunet, giving his answer. Paul sighed, then looked at his new husband, mentally asking him what they should do now.
            “We have no other choice, love. We have to tell him.” Tony stated with a sigh.
            “Well…?” Ryan asked, crossing his arms. Tony and Paul turned to face Ryan and Colin.
            “Well, that… experiment you and Colin went through is being tested by experts and, erm, if it goes alright, it… it might, might, be made legal for anyone who wants it.” Tony began, rather nervously.
            “What?!” Ryan snapped, making Tony and Paul wince in response. “They want to make what Col and I went through a legal medical procedure? Who in their right mind would want to go through that!? It nearly killed Col and me!” Ryan went on, annoyed. Tony looked down, rubbing the back of his neck in apprehension and Paul began to find the overhead branches of a nearby tree quite fascinating. Colin sighed, shaking his head as Ryan began to realize what was going on.
            “Don’t tell me…” Ryan began, shaking his head in disbelief.
            “What if we are, Ryan? What if we are considering going through with it?” Paul asked, glaring at the tall, thin man.
            “Paul…” Tony said softly, touching Paul’s shoulder to calm him down. Paul looked down at Tony, then he felt his anger subsiding for now. Ryan’s eyes widen.
            “You… you ARE serious?!” Ryan whispered in shock. The two men in question nodded. “Do you two have any idea what you’re getting into?” Ryan asked seriously.
            “We’re well aware of it and what it nearly did to you, but let me remind you, Ryan, about something. The two of you went through a sped up version of it, while we are going to go through it at a normal rate. This is going to last the full nine months, not nine days.” Tony noted, also equally serious. Ryan was still frowning.
            “Ry,” Colin began, taking Ryan’s hand into his own, “it’s their decision, not ours. They want a baby; let them do it the way they want.” Colin told his partner. Ryan turned to face Colin, staring deep into his chocolate brown eyes. Ryan was silent, as was Colin, what they didn’t say being conveyed by the deep stare they shared.
            Finally, after several seconds of silence, Ryan sighed and turned to face Tony and Paul. “If you guys are really serious about this, then let me warn you about one thing.” Ryan began, still serious.
            “What?” Tony and Paul asked at the same time.
            “Be ready for a roller coaster of emotions, insanity, and… a shit load of joy.” Ryan smiled. Paul let out a sigh of relief while Tony grinned and pulled the taller man into a giant bear hug, almost lifting Ryan off the ground.
            Watching from a short distance, three young women looked on in shock, disbelief, and worry, for they had accidentally overheard the conversation.
            “They’re actually going to go through with this?” Melissa whispered in shock.
            “I know there are people wanting this, but I never expect Paul and Tony to be ones wanting to go through with that!” Julie nodded in agreement, equally shocked by what she heard.
            “You think they’re going a little too fast here? I mean, they just got together last year in December, now they’re going to do this?” Samantha wondered.
            “They’re adults, girls. They can make their own decisions.” Alicia replied, standing behind the three younger women, her hands on her hips. The three girls froze in fear as they turned to face the older woman.
            “Shit.” Melissa whispered bluntly.
            “You’re gonna bust us, ‘Licia?” Julie asked nervously. Alicia shook her head ‘no’.
            “Not this time, girls, because if you remember, I told you three about the possibilities of that operation being made available.” Alicia replied with a smile. Julie turned back to watch the two couples talking.
            “But this is a huge step for them…” Julie whispered, worriedly.
            “They’ll be fine, Jewel.” Melissa remarked with a grin, calling Julie by her internet nickname. Julie nodded slightly before turning away, forcing a smile.
            “Y-yeah. I mean, they’ve been through worse, right?” Julie said.
            “Sure they have.” Samantha smiled weakly, looking at Alicia, who just smiled wearily. Melissa, however, was the only one smiling naturally.
            “Come on; let’s show off some of our awesome dancing!” Melissa grinned, grabbing Julie’s hand and began to drag her to the dance floor.
            “No-no-no-no-NO!! You know I can’t dance!” Julie exclaimed as Melissa pulled her to the centre of the floor.
            “Oh yes you can!” Melissa laughed as the song changed from “We Belong” by Pat Benetar to, much to the chagrin of some people, “Beat It” by Michael Jackson.
            “Oh no, not Michael Jackson…” Samantha groaned, burying her face in her hands.
            “Why, what’s wrong?” Alicia asked, curious. Samantha lowered her hands and turned to face the older woman.
            “Melissa is a giant Michael Jackson fan, among other things.” Samantha replied, pointing to Melissa, who began to dance like the “Gloved One” with Julie dancing, a bit awkwardly, next to her.
            “And Julie?”
            “She tolerates him, mostly because of his music and his dance moves.” Samantha sighed, watching her two friends dance.
            Meanwhile, Paul, Tony, Ryan, and Colin saw the two girls dancing and began to watch.
            “Think we should save the kid?” Tony wondered out loud.
            “Nah, looks like she’s having fun.” Colin shook his head.
            “And probably planning to hand down swift revenge on the flirt once this is over.” Paul smirked.
            “Wouldn’t surprise me.” Ryan grinned. The four men shared a laugh as they heard Melissa loudly singing along to the music while dancing with Julie, who had a seriously annoyed look in her eyes, despite the smile on her face.
            Tony felt a hand take his own, startling him. He turned to see Paul, the owner of the mysterious hand, a soft, but noticeable smile on his face. Tony smiled widely and leaned against his lover, watching their two friends dance. He couldn’t wait to see what the future held for them…
            And for them to start their new lives together in the next several months.

Next part to come as soon as I can post it. Still worknig on the last several chapters at the moment, so don't expect a lot at a time.

Michael Jackson video - What a Feeling

2009-12-25T17:34:41Z

Present for my fellow MJ fans: my fourth - and currently my favorite - MJ music video.

Song of Choice: Irene Cara's "Flashdance (What a Feeling)"

View it here:

Watch, rant, comment, drool, fap, whatever.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T15:26:42Z

I hope everyone's having a wonderful Christmas.

My haul:
Two new sketch books
A How to Draw Manga book
three Snoopy plushies
New speakers for the computer
A pair of pj's
Two very nice shirts
Very Best Of Have I Got News For You
HIGNFY: Best of Guest Presenters
Jeeves and Wooster Seasons 2 and 3
Snoopy's Reunion
Peanuts 70's specials Vol. 1
Atari games for teh DS
Lego Indiana Jones 2 for the DS
and new black slippers

Will be posting some goodies later on today. Hope everyone's having a wonderful Christmas.

The New Top Ten series - Top ten game moments

2009-12-17T13:04:25Z

I've taken it into careful consideration, and I'm moving on with the Top Ten series.

Now, I am going to need your help with the next step: The Top Ten game playings.

First on the list, your favorite and mine: The Top Ten Hoedown playings.

I may of may not split it to be Us only and UK only lists, but I'll see what the results are.

Random Meme to cure boredum.

2009-12-16T22:28:59Z

I was bored, I saw this on my F-list, so why not. Rules: - Bold all of the following TV shows which you've ever seen 3 or more episodes of in your lifetime. - Underline a show if you're positive you've seen every episode of it. 24 7th Heaven 30 Rock ALF Alias American Gothic America's Next Top Model Angel Arrested Development Babylon 5 Batman: The Animated Series Battlestar Galactica Battlestar Galactica (the new one) Baywatch Beverly Hills 90210 Bewitched Bonanza Bones Bosom Buddies Boston Legal Boy Meets World Brothers And Sisters Buffy the Vampire Slayer Californication Chappelle's Show Charlie's Angels Charmed Cheers Chuck Clarissa Explains it All Columbo Commander in Chief Cougar Town Crossing Jordan CSI CSI: Miami CSI: NY Curb Your Enthusiasm Dark Angel Dark Skies DaVinci's Inquest Dawson's Creek Dead Like Me Deadwood Degrassi: The Next Generation Designing Women Desperate Housewives Dexter Dharma and Greg Different Strokes Doctor Who Dragnet Due South ER Even Stevens Everwood Everybody Loves Raymond Facts of Life Family Guy Farscape Fawlty Towers Felicity Firefly FlashForward Frasier Friends Fringe Futurama Get Smart Gilligan's Island Gilmore Girls Glee Gossip Girl Grey's Anatomy Grange Hill Growing Pains Gunsmoke Happy Days Hercules: the Legendary Journeys Heroes Home Improvement Homicide: Life on the Street Hospital Central House I Dream of Jeannie I Love Lucy Invader Zim Invasion hell's Kitchen JAG Jackass Joey Kim Possible Knight Rider Knight Rider: 2008 Kung Fu Kung Fu: The Legend Continues La Femme Nikita LA Law Laverne and Shirley Law and Order: SVU Legend of the Seeker Leverage Lie to me Little House on the Prairie Lizzie McGuire Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman Lost Lost in Space MASH MacGyver Malcolm in the Middle Married... With Children McLeods Daughters Melrose Place Miami Vice Mission: Impossible Mod Squad Monk Mork and Mindy Murphy Brown Mystery Science Theater 3000 My Life As A Dog My Three Sons My Two Dads Mythbusters NCIS Ned Bigby's Declassified School Survival Guide lol Nip/Tuck Numb3rs One Tree Hill Oz Perry Mason Power Rangers Press Gang Prison Break Private Practice Privileged Profiler Project Runway Psych Pushing Daisies Quantum Leap Queer As Folk (US) Queer as Folk (UK) ReGenesis Remington Steele Rescue Me Road Rules ROME Roseanne Roswell Sanctuary Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? Scrubs Seaquest DSV Seinfeld Sex and the City Six Feet Under Slings and Arrows Smallville So Weird South of Nowhere South Park Spongebob Squarepants Star Trek Star Trek: The Next Generation Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Star Trek: Voyager Star Trek: Enterprise Stargate Atlantis Stargate SG-1 Stargate Universe Starsky and Hutch Superman Supernatural Surface Survivor Taxi Teen Titans That 70's Show That's So Raven The 4400 The Addams Family The Amazing Race The Andy Griffith Show The A-Team The Avengers The Beverly Hillbillies The Big Bang Theory The Brady Bunch The Cosby Show The Daily Show The Dead Zone The Dick Van Dyke Show The Flintstones The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air The Golden Girls The Honeymooners The Jeffersons The Jetsons The Love Boat The L Word The Magnificent Seven The Mary Tyler Moore Show The Monkees The Munsters The Office (US) The Office (UK) The Powerpuff Girls The Pretender The Real World The Shield The Simpsons The Six Million Dollar Man The Sopranos The Suite Life of Zack and Cody The Twilight Zone The Waltons The West Wing The Wonder Years The X-Files Third Watch Three's Company Twin Peaks Twitch City Unfabulous Ugly Betty V (2009) Veronica Mars Weeds Whose Line is it Anyway? (US) Whose Line is it Anyway? (UK) Will and Grace Wings Xena: Warrior Princess Wow... yeah

More Michael Macros

2009-12-11T14:47:52Z

Here's more of my macros, many you probably saw in the past seveal Party Posts.

You can use them to your hearts content.

Our motto, ladies and... ladies.

If you ever saw any of my videos, you'll get the reason why I picked the caption.

Makes me giggle everytime

Might do a varient of this.

Angry Mike is hot

IDK

Guess the meme

Guess the quote

Oh yeah ^^

Need to redo this sometime in the future (damn spelling mistake)

*glomps Michael*

Hold onto your panties

For those who deal with haters

And that's what happens when you listen to David Bowie when making Macros

For those awkward moments... or for anyone who jsut saw "Man in the Mirror" for the first time.

Two varients

varients

perfect for the holiday

varients

pardon the sad one

varients

Oh yeah

He's about to find out in a few seconds...

*uses broom to clean up panty remnants* I'm quiting this job.

For the Thrusty lovers

Ackbaar, where are you?

We've had moments like that

Ain't it the truth...

varients

Sorry, Tatiana, but you fit

For the haters

And that's all for now.

The future of the Top Ten

2009-12-10T14:46:05Z

I'm currently debating what to do with ym Top Ten videos. There's been little to no response for the latest video choice, Steve Frost.

So I'm wondering if I should just stop or move onto the Top Ten of games.

What do you think?

MJ dream number 3

2009-12-04T12:43:34Z

Good Morning

Just woke up from my thrid MJ dream.

I don't really remember the start, but for some reason I was at this highschool with a bunch of kids my age and we had to navigate these series of traps and obsticales that feels straight out of Mario Bros. Anyway, we got trhough them and made it to the end, but we had to pick the right Warp Pipe to go to California to see Michael. Yeah.

We get the right one and we're in California. Then I'm at this mall and for somer eason, I'm friends with Michael (who looks like his late Thriller Era apperance *Circa Grammys 84*)and I help him through the mall to get ot a place where he could get ready for some performance and he's holding my hand as we and his security guards navigate the mall, going through a mens room and all. Then we finally end up at a sporting goods store. Two of my old, rela life friends try to sneak in but they get kicked out.

So then, while his security guards are busy doing.. something, Michael drags me out of the mall, which then turns into a school hallway and we began to kick a small ball around the hallway, laughing and smiling. We then started to talk and I ended up hugging him. I then told him "I wish I was your friend when you were growing up." He smiled and said something I can't really remember, but I think he was touched by my words.

And somehow, near the end of it, that group I had been with were in a Simpson cartoon where the Simpsons reunite with Leon Kopowski (the guy who thought he was Michael) and he was actually Barts real father.

Then I woke up.

...So, yeah.

Random meme is randomly funny

2009-12-02T14:33:21Z

Saw this and went to try it.

1. Randomly pick a song from your music library.
2. Find the lyrics for the first four verses/chorus
3. Go to Google translation and translate the lyrics from English into German.
4. Take the new German lyrics and translate them into French.
5. Take the new French lyrics and translate them into English.
6. Post the NEW English lyrics and have people guess the original song.

Take a guess.

Make your prayers, a few
Remember, my son
Thus, all
I Tuck you in hot

Plus, a bonus MJ song. Guess which one it is.

Another day passed, I'm always alone
How can you you're not here with me
You Never Said Goodbye, someone tell me why
Have you had to go and leave my world so cold?

Michael Jackson video - Sanctuary

2009-11-29T20:14:03Z

I'm on a MJ video roll:

My latest MJ Music video, and it's to "Sanctuary" from Kingdom Hearts 2. Footage used: Moonwalker (specifically the Smooth Criminal segment) and ONLY THAT!

View it here:

I must warn people that it isn't 'avaliable' in some countries due to copywrite, so If you can't see or hear it, I'm sorry.

For those who can watch it, watch, rant, comment, drool, fap, whatever.

Macros for all

2009-11-26T17:47:09Z

Hope everyone's having a good Thanksgiving.

I made my first Macros. Many of them are Mj, with two non-ones.

Check them out.

UK Whose Line.
Tony: I'm terribly nervous, I've never come as a- held a "Come as Michael Jackson" Party. (Grabs his crotch) AWO! AWO! AH- (Pauses, stares at Clive, points at him)
Clive: What, I was enjoying that!

Fannie Flagg after she ruffled up Bob Barker's hair during Match Game. My oblig "Squee" Macro.

May do a varient for "50 pages"

Two varients, and yes, I know I mispelled "Calvin", but who cares?! It's MICHAEL! In JEANS!

Baddass balerina + Flashdance = this

It reminded me of Little mermaid, so there

One of the ones I really wanted to do

Was gonna do a "Butterfly"/DDR joke, but went with the Rurouni Kenshin joke

self-explanitory

Cute MJ hiding

No offense to those who like Michael Bolton, but the joke came from Whose Line. Besides, it fits.

First one I did. Lyric from "Flashdance".

Another Whose Line quote

Yu-Gi-Oh Abridge Series ref.

From the MSTing of "Space Mutiny"

self-explanitory

Ditto

They certainly do.

Fortune Cookies that tell the truth.

MSTing of the short "Posture Pals"

The first thing that popped into my mind when I saw this

You're instructor: Michael Jackson.

Thank you Nostalgia Critic for that comment

Vegeta: IT'S OVER NINE-THOUSAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!
..yeah, c'mon, it's In the Closet Mike.

Whose Line Uk quote

My goodnight oblig

Varients. The last one.. well, why not?

And this one we DID like

World's Worst Nature Documentary... if these two aren't in it.

True true.

I will probably make more later.

AMA's and dreams on MJ

2009-11-23T14:04:33Z

So, yeah, Michael won 4 out of the 5 awards he was nominated last night. Explain to me why Taylor Swift won Artist of the Year and beat MJ?

Also, explain WHAT is Taylor Swift's appeal?

Janet's performance was pretty awesome, though.

Last night, I also had my second MJ dream. I don't remember much of it, but these are the bits I do remember:
-He was donig a live concert at a stadium and, for some reason, it was in a wrestling ring. (Maybe because my dream went from dreaming of wrestling to MJ)
-I was about second row from the stage.
-He was doing the songs he did in This Is It. I also think he did "Lovely One" and something else, but I can't really remember.
-He did a lot of walking around the 'ring', slaping hands with his fans. I ended up touching his hand.
-During a small in-betweener during the songs, Michael came into the crowd and talked with teh fans. This time, I got to say hi to him and hug him. It was wonderful and he was really sweet.
-Then, after donig about 12 songs, he said he was gonna take some requests (as long as the songs we suggested were ones he and his band had rehersed beforehand JIC)

That's when I woke up at 5 in the morning. But hey, I got to hug him. Wish I could remember more.

Michael Jackson's B-Movie Show - new video

2009-11-22T22:20:28Z

Just did this today, a brand spaking new MJ video done to a rare classic for those who remember "The Brave Little Toaster".

Yes, it's a semi-horror MJ video done to "B-Movie Show"

View it here on youtube, who gave me a lot of grief while I tried to post this.

View, rant, comment, drool, be spooked.

Writer's Block: Time in a bottle

2009-11-21T14:31:53Z

Imagine that you have a time machine. Which deceased musician would you most want to travel back in time to watch perform live?

Submitted By crazyprotein

View 1507 Answers

Well, either Freddie Mercury during his hayday in Queen or Michael Jackson.

Paul Project: HIGNFY Season 11/12 observation, quotes, and pic spam part 2

2009-11-11T17:52:22Z

And here's the extra special long picspam.

Warning, tons of pics so be careful.

Series 11 looks promising, can't wait to see-

What the hell? Paul is IAN'S Teammate?!

Eddie and Charles Kennedy, together... wow

Paul looked quite handsome

Smiles

Meh, I don't care

Now Angus is in trouble with them sitting together

Lol's

Lovers tiff

"Are you still here?"

"Not like you next week, thank God."

"Everyone a winner"

I really think Angus is regreting letting them sit together...

But Paul loved sitting between them, though ^_~

Uhoh

Paul wants water

Throwing hints...

Adorable

Still weird seeing them sit together

Not as weird as I bet it is for Angus...

Eddie stretches

congrats

And Paul will be back next season, which will be...

After this small break.

He's back, and wearing plaid

*braces self for the Proops fangirls*

Ian ♥♥

The naughty bespecticalled oracle

Hai

Greg talking of past relationships with... a teacher

Paul is very suspicious

Whose eyes are those...

It's IAN!!

Greg thinks he's hot

Paul wants to kiss him... but who is he??

Greg is onto Ian

Sing-along time with Paul and Ian

Greg: Up –
Ian/Paul/Greg: (singing together) To the atmosphere, Up where the air is clear…

Sing-along part two, with Val Doonican

Which was very lol and aww

Ian: (singing) “I never knew…”
Ian/Paul: (singing) “Just what it was and I guess I’ll never will.”

Facepalm

Paul: (singing) “Patty McGinty, an Irishman of note
Fell in for a fortune and he bought himself a goat”
(normally)You know that one?

Bewildered) No?

Paul makes Ian Lol

Oh mah gawd

Meh

At first I was like this...

But then I was like this

Drink break

LOL!!

LOL haircut

Ian notes Paul inability of geting a girl

Poor Paul

Ends on a song

Nice shirt

Ian looks preppy

Bad Angus

Make-your-own-quote

Water measuring

Paul

Mass DO NOT WANTS

I wish

You got Paul interested

Giggle

Hmmm...

Lol's

You've got Angus's attention

"Tutu Train" Fail!

I'd like to find the guy who said that.

First ever HIGNFY Fan Art!

Elvis Costello!! Doesn't say much...

Preppy Ian

Paul

Lovers tiff about... Bungalows.

Smile

No Comment

Smiles

Paul: … those Garden gnomes have grown!

Ian as "Elvis Costello" - lol

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Nice outfit, Paul

UGH! *blinded by his suit*

Ian looks nice

playing with his hair

...huh...

Our magazine, girls

Ooooo, tought Paul

^_^

SQUEEEE!!!!

And now...

The flirting begins

EPIC FLIRTING!!

Erm, moving on...

But it continues onto next episode!

Do not want

♥♥♥

"Give us a kiss"

hmmm...

Flirt mode

O_O

"...because its one of the biggest scores we’ve ever had over that little shit over there!"

OOPS!

Poor Paul

He's sorry

Teasing

He is really sorry

Flirt

Thank fuck for that

Paul's preppy

The fuck was that?

LOL at Ian's teammate

sulky

"What's it like to have a real comedian on the show?!"

cutie

pointing out a fangirl

"Piss off to the *WHO*?!"

ALAN!!!!

Paul looks nice

Ian's logic confuses Paul

I like Angus when he smiles

Squirrels!!!

Jennifer has a secret son!

Alan searches

"MOTHER!"

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Adorable Alan

Paul and jennifer confuses Angus

Don't swear

"Sorry Mom"

And that's it. View more pics here: http://s857.photobucket.com/albums/ab138/Shinigami518/HIGNFY%2011x01/
and here: http://s857.photobucket.com/albums/ab138/Shinigami518/HIGNFY%20Season%2012/

Next series will come soon.

Paul Project: HIGNFY Season 11/12 observation, quotes, and pic spam part 1

2009-11-11T16:56:38Z

First off, good season so far of HIGNFY. Enjoying it.

Second, if anyone is interested, I'm on WTATA where you can find HIGNFY episodes to download and a Paul Merton topic in the Whose Line section. There you cna see my previews for the Paul project for those who are interested. Here's the topic link if you are interested: http://www.wtata.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=6100

And now, the next instalment of the Paul Project, which is a slightly longer one since it has one episode from Series 11 and all of Series 12.

Have I Got News For You
Season 11/12: Paul's lone apperance in Series 11, Greg Proops and sing alongs, "Tutu Train", "That Little Shit", Paul finds his "Mother", and "Admire your cute little body".
Names in Bold denote the winner of that episode

Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest

s11-01 16 Apr 1996 Paul Merton Eddie Izzard, Charles Kennedy

Angus: Good evening and welcome to 'Have I Got News For You' and if you're watching this on UK Gold in ten years' time, my name is Angus Deayton and I used to present the show before Alan Titchmarsh took over.

The irony!

The Heseltine bit in the “In the News” was on the Very best of special.

No, your eyes aren’t deceiving you. Paul IS on Ian’s team for this episode. This is the only season where he wasn’t on for all the episodes. According to the DVD commentary, Paul felt that the show was hitting a rut (see previous episode) and decided to take a break. This allowed new talent to appear and new ideas to emerge. Paul returns the next season and felt the series had gotten better since then. He also noted that sitting between Ian and Angus was the best spot.

Paul’s attire: Black suit jacket, light blue shirt, and multi-coloured tie

This is Charles’ third of eight appearances on the show.

This is so weird seeing Paul sitting next to Ian instead of across from him.

Eddie: Oh, cows have been eating candles?

Paul: I thought this was about a couple, who was getting a divorce, but decided to stay together for the cow.

And Paul starts singing, getting Eddie involved ^_^

Eddie: (on Angus deducting points if they try getting extra ones) So if I sit here like this, I‘ve won?

Ian: That’s what Paul does most weeks!

Paul: See, I don’t care if Ian, if my team loses tonight, I’m more than happy.

John Major’s reaction to the Scott report and everyone cracking up was on the very best of special.

Paul: You want to have a go at this?
Ian: Um, yeah. I think this is one I can get right.

Paul: Princess Di- (laughter) She’s got, um, she’s got

Ian: Spike changes!

Paul: (glancing back at Ian) She’s got spud-u-lite -

Ian: No, you do it, I insist.

Paul: (to Ian) Not across the gags, please!

Ian: No!

Paul: She’s got spud-u-lite – (to Ian) Are you still here? – She’s got spud-u-lite -

Ian: Not like you next week, thank God. (laughter)

Paul: She’s got chives and onions on the – (to Ian) Chives, what are chives? What’re you talking about? You bloody maniac. (to Angus) She’s got chives and onions on the one leg, and she’s got a mixed salad on the other and people say “You got salad on the back of your thigh.” She said “I just sat in a stool”. Give them the points.

(…)

Ian: The Sun said “you got a great big lump on your leg” and she said “That’s no way to talk about Will Colin.”

A thud is heard from off camera, probably from Charles.

Paul: (to Ian) Everyone a winner.

Angus: Yes.

Paul: Thank you, Ian, and good night, and now a song.

Angus: Any other celebrities that suffer from cellulite problems?

Ian: Angus Deayton.

Angus: Sadly not.

Paul: Flipper!

Angus: Flipper? Yeah.

Paul: Flopped up his spout.

(…)

Ian: (after Paul says he knows all about silence) Could’ve fooled me.

Paul: (to Ian) …What does that mean? Nothing. You just said something off the top of your head, it’s meaningless. Could you pass the water, please? (laughter) It’s a tirade: Nothing, meaningless, could you pass the water please, laugh! Just try it, try it.!

Ian hands him the jug of water. Paul chugs it.

Paul and Ian’s banter during the tabloid headline was on the Very Best of special.

Ian: (on Pamela Anderson’s breasts) She’s nicked those from somewhere.

Eddie: I have no idea!

Eddie: They’ve all been stolen by Pamela Anderson, except one of them.

Angus: And which one of them?

Eddie: ....I don't care.

Guest Publication: PATCHWORK & QUILTING

“Frog hunters told to *what*” Eddie: Piss off! (laughter) By frogs.

Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest

s12-01 4 Oct 1996 Greg Proops Ken Livingstone

Angus: Good evening and welcome to 'Have I Got News For You' and we apologise to the millions of viewers who have tuned in expecting our guests to be the two stars of the hugely popular series 'The X-Files'. This information appeared in several newspapers and magazines and yet no-one seems to know quite how it happened.

If you have no idea who Greg is, then I suggest you avoid any Whose Line fans that might be reading this. And beware of the Proops-fangirls. Greg Proops is a stand-up artist and has appeared on both incantations of Whose Line is it Anyway and with the Comedy Store Players on occasion. This is Greg’s ONLY appearance on HIGNFY.

Paul has return from his season hiatus.

Paul’s attire: olive green jacket over blue-green plaid button up.

Ian: (on Neil Hamilton) That’s the bastard who won the libel allegations. God, I hate him.

Paul: How much did it pay somebody to ask Lord Archer “Are you a ponce or not.”

Paul’s back ^_~

Ken: I'm afraid you won't get anything out of a Labour MP this close to the election. It's going to be seven months of complete bullshit.

Greg: (On relationships at school) Yeah, a lot of times the chicks wouldn’t leave me alone. I’d be out at the monkey bars, they’d be “Come on, Greg. Give us love, Monkey God.” And I’d be just “No.” So, um, I was in the principal's office quite a bit, and she was an older woman and she taught me!

Angus: And what was the punishment for…

Greg: Spanking, if you like, and, uh, then just general running around until it wore off.

ROUND TWO - DEMONISER:

Paul: Is it Kevin Maxwell? (Some laughter)
Ian: HE’S DONE NOTHING!

Greg: That’s one of the Gladiators; his name is “Raccoon”

Greg: (after he called Damon Hill “Damon Ill”) Sorry, I dropped an H. Wanna pick that up for me, Angus?

Greg: (on the fourth pair of eyes) Dopey from the Seven Dwarfs.

(After Ian’s pic is revealed)

Greg: Wooo!

Angus: Oh dear.

Paul: I’ll say! Any more like you at home?

Greg: Man, you had to beat the chicks away with a stick!

Paul: I’d be happy to be kissed by him. I mean, he’s gorgeous. Who is it?

Ian laughs.

Angus: It’s, uh, Jimmy Sommerville. (laughter) The glasses, we have to ask: faltering eyesight or fashion statement?

Ian: In those days, it was very sunny.

Angus: Right.

Ian: And I had… (Greg laughs loudly)

Greg: Was it, was it before the Earth cooled?! (laughter) Oooh, volcanoes everywhere, bright lights!

Angus: Are you suggesting you were wearing them ‘cause the sun was out?

Ken: (on Hardy) He’s the only one with a bicycle.

Ian: (on Viacheslav Mihailovic Molotov) Old Labour.

Paul: (on the Tutankhamen drink) Apparently, it makes you ‘Walk like an Egyptian’.

Greg: I believe that's the city of Aberdeen, if I'm not mistaken.

Angus: How did you know that?

Greg: Because I've been there, and I stood right where that photo was taken from... And there IS an enormous white arrow hanging over Aberdeen.

Paul and Ian’s knowledge about “Mary Poppins” is adorkable.

Paul and Ian (plus Greg) “singing” Lets go fly a Kite was ADORABLE!!!!!!!!!! Ranks up there with Ryan and Colin singing “the theme from Ben” on Whose Line.

Ian: Terrific finale, that “Let’s go fly a kite”. You can’t beat it, can’t you?

Paul: Up to the highest height.

Ian: Oh let’s go -

Paul: - Fly -

Ian: - A kite

Paul: -And send it soaring.

Greg: Up –

Ian/Paul/Greg: (singing together) To the atmosphere, Up where the air is clear…

(Audience applauds)

Greg: Oh lets go…

Paul: That pantomime has worked out this year.

Guest Publication: PRIMA

“Never let him see you *what*” Paul: Is it "Gang banging a Barn-Owl?"

“I'm just a [blank] says Blair.” Paul: A girl who can't say "no".

Paul and Ian break into singing Val Doonican, making Angus face palm.

Paul: (singing) “Walk tall, walk straight”.

Angus: Yes, thank you. I think we all know who he is.

Paul: (sings another song *Can’t really type it out because I don’t know what the hell he says ^^;;;*)

Angus: (wary)…good.

Ian: (singing) “I never knew…”

Ian/Paul: (singing) “Just what it was and I guess I’ll never will.”

Angus facepalms.

Paul: (singing) “Patty McGinty, an Irishman of note

Fell in for a fortune and he bought himself a goat”

(normally)You know that one?

Angus: (Bewildered) No?

Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest

s12-02 11 Oct 1996 Rhona Cameron Peter Stringfellow

Angus: Good evening and welcome to 'Have I Got News For You' and for those of you who have just turned over from watching 'Friends', where a group of young, attractive people consistently exhibit their wit and good humour, welcome to the antidote.

Paul’s attire: Dark blue-black jacket over purple and black plaid shirt

Rhona: (on Thatcher) Whose that woman in the blue top?

Ian: I have no idea.

Paul mentions Val Doonican in reference to last week’s episode

Paul: (Piers appears in the clip) I don’t know who that is.

Rhona: (On Scotland beating an absent Estonia by default) They're playing no-one, which is the only way they can win a game.

Angus keeps flubbing around while reading out the third story and Paul busts on him.

Ian: (to Peter) So there’s drugs, hookers, AND sheep at your club?

Angus doing the “Twilight Zone” theme made me lol.

Paul: I’ve been to your club, its shit!

Paul: Kenneth Clark, does he play the Obo? Or is he happily married?

Paul: What is a Jazz interval?

Ian: It’s the part you enjoy when they’re not playing.

Peter: (When Paul asks him if his girlfriend was 16) That a out- that was terr- that was last week. She's 17 now.

Paul: Your haircut's older than that! (Laughter) When I was 17, I couldn’t get a 17-year-old girlfriend for love or money; I don’t know how you do it.

Ian: I think it’s the latter of the two options you mentioned.

Paul’s haircut comment to Peter, along with the joke about his 17-year-old girlfriend, was on the Very best of Special.

Guest Publication: SEAFOOD INTERNATIONAL

Losers get a Val Doonican tape, leading to Paul and Ian singing “Try to Remember”.

I
ndex Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest

s12-03 18 Oct 1996 Mark Little Nigel Lawson

Paul’s attire: red-purple shirt and black vest.

Nigel was on the show to plug his diet book.

(When Angus told of how two politicians had a bruise on the same fingernail)

Paul: They SHARE a fingernail?!

Nigel: That's the most boring piece of news I have ever heard.

Paul: We’re only 5 minutes in; I’d reserve your judgement until the end.

Ian: (as Paul and Nigel go on about the woman who came up with “Passports for Pets”) This is turning into “Richard and Judy”!

Paul and Nigel’s clip about the Referendum Party was on the very best of Special.

A Kangaroo on a Pogo stick!? Where the hell does Paul come up with that stuff?!

Paul: Is there any point of me continuing on in that point of enquiry?

Angus: Almost

Ian: That’s almost as pathetic as the police angle.

Paul: But not quite, it’s just between me and you, isn’t it Ian?

Ian: (after Angus tells him he was close with the Police angle) Haha, not so pathetic Mr. Merton!

Paul: (After the Virginia Bottomley song) How- how can you talk out of key?!

Guest Publication: WORLD PUMPS

“Save the World – eat *what*” Paul: Jupiter.

The misshapen veggie pic was on the Very Best of Special.

Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest

s12-04 25 Oct 1996 Maureen Lipman Tony Parsons

current edition of 'TV Quick' that this week's guests are Father Christmas and Rupert the Bear. So welcome to the show - I'm Jemima Puddleduck.

Paul’s attire: Black jacket over dark blue button up

Ian: Are you doing everything in duplicate, Angus?

Angus: … sorry, Ian?

Maureen: So the Earth moved for Michael Heseltine. For the first time.

Tony: (On a man who savagely beat up his girlfriend) The guy who beat up the girl should remain nameless. His name was Alex Fryatt.

He then repeated the name several times to make sure everyone heard it, before then spelling it out:

"That's A-L-E-X..."

Paul: Pinocchio was always popular as we can see…

Angus: Aida.

Paul: I beg your pardon? What you do in your own private life ain’t got nothing to do with me. (Angus is laughing) As long as she’s happy and your happy, just (shakes hand to dismiss it)

Ian: Didn't Desmond Tutu train in Hull?

Angus: Tutu train? No, I don't think so...

Ian facepalms.

Paul: Tutu train? Coming on over the Hull!

Ian embarrassing himself with the “Tutu Train” comment was on the very best of special.

Guest Publication: THE BUDGERIGAR

“Children are *What*, says Spock” Paul: Illogical. Tony: Bastards.

Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest

s12-05 1 Nov 1996 Gordon Kennedy Elvis Costello

Angus: Good evening and welcome to one of the few shows whose viewers are evidently so bored with the programme, they amuse themselves by drawing it (kids' sketch of the trio shown). As a result, next week's guests will be a nude woman and a bowl of fruit.

The “Vivisected” clinic In the News was on the Very best of special, but the monkey clip shown is a different one. The Monkey clip used in the Best of is from s22-03.

Paul’s shirt: muted blue button up shirt

Gordon: I’m anti.

Ian: I’m pro.

Gordan: (gets up and bends over) Thank me, Ian.

Elvis: (On the Monarchy) Lord Archer suggested a change in the succession so that the women could take charge which seemed like a pretty good idea given the options.

(After Angus asks what is the other distinguishing feature about Action Man)

Ian: Pierced navel.

Gordon: He’s got nothing… downstairs.

Paul: He lives in a bungalow.

Ian: Wouldn’t that be upstairs?

Paul: The eyes, the eyes… upstairs, downstairs, a bungalow’s on one level, you moron.

Ian: Not if it’s got a cellar, you moron!

Paul: Bungalows don’t have cellars!

Ian: They can do!

Paul: How!?

Ian: If you dig one!

Paul: Well then might as well say they have an attic if you stick a great big box on top, cut a hole in your roof!

Ian: Well you can say that, yeah!

Paul: Well then you’d be wrong, though!

Angus: That’s all the time we have for “Question Time”.

ROUND TWO - COMMERCIAL BREAK:

Ian & Gordon: Benetton ad featuring three hearts - complaint about poor taste upheld

Angus: Do you what kind of word describes this kind of advert?

Ian: Rubish.

Paul & Elvis: RyanAir ad featuring hijacked plane - complaint about poor taste upheld

Gordon: New RyanAir: hostage class.

Ian & Gordon: Persil ad featuring Dalmatian shaking off its spots - complaint about racism not upheld

Paul & Elvis: Club 18-30 ad featuring slogan 'Beaver Espana' - complaint about crudity, not upheld

Elvis: Its 18-30 holidays.

Angus: How did you guess?

Elvis shrugs.

Angus: …And Dolly Parton.

Paul/Ian: “Dolly Pardon”!? (Angus pronounced it as “Pardon”instead of “Par-ton”)

Gordon: Bless you!

Paul: You’ve been to Mr. Blobby’s theme park?

Ian: Yes.

Paul: I’m surprised they let you out.

Paul: … those Garden gnomes have grown!

…Paul had a buried grenade discovered in his garden???

Ian: Shaggy…

Paul: He’s a character in Scooby Doo.

Ian cos-plays as Elvis Costello!!! LOL!

Guest Publication: GAS INSTALLER

Angus: What is it with you and saxophones?

Paul: What is it with you and Action Man?

Paul and Elvis’s caption contest was on the Very best of. They cut the bit out about "fucking the horse" which you can see on the DVD.

Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest

s12-06 8 Nov 1996 Tony Hawks Vincent Hanna

Angus: Good evening and welcome to the show with wittier, cleverer and more glamorous guests than last week.

Paul’s attire: Dark grey fleecy jacket over grey t-shirt

Paul: (two people exit voting booth) New sex cubicles.

Ian: What’s a talking lift going to say?

Vincent: It’s gonna say-

Vincent:/Paul: “I am a lift!”

Tony: (On round-the-world walker Ffyona Campbell having sex during her journey) She got pregnant by a back-up driver. He- he must have just misunderstood what 'back-up' meant.

Vincent: (on why he knows about the Jenny Jones chaos) Because I did it on my chat show on Radio 4.

Angus: You shot someone?

Paul: He admired his young, firm body, and all of that, it was all very sexual.

Angus: A cute little body, the kind he sort of want to dust off from time to time.

Full story about this case: On March 9 1995, 29-year-old Jonathan Schmitz appeared on Jenny Jones on a show called "Same-Sex Secret Crushes", but having only been told that the show was about secret crushes, he assumed that the admirer was a woman. The secret crush turned out to be his neighbour, 32 year-old Scott Amedure. Feeling that he had been publicly humiliated, Schmitz killed Amedure three days later with a 12 gauge shotgun. Schmitz was tried for first degree murder, but the case was overturned due to a technical error in the jury selection. In 1999, he was tried for Second-degree murder and received a sentence of 20-25 years. In May of that year a civil trial found "The Jenny Jones Show" to have been negligent because they did not screen the guests before inviting them on the show. The show was ordered to pay the Amedure family $25,000,000 for funeral expenses and pain and suffering for each family member. This decision was later overturned on appeal. The show pressed on in spite of sluggish ratings and was finally cancelled in 2003.

Paul: They’re too busy cleaning up after Godzilla, look he’s taken a chunk out of our building!

The talk about John Burt’s comment on HIGNFY was on the very best of special.

Guest Publication: THE SLASHER

“Jobless? Try *what*” Tony: Burglary.

“Prince Charles donates *What*” Paul: Is it brain to EuroDisney?

Paul: (After learning the answer was “Oak”) Who gets the point for that?
Angus: Well…

Ian: The person who said “oak”, I would guess.

Paul: (points to Ian) Right. (Deep loud voice) “The person who said ‘Oak’, alright!?” (Grits his teeth)

Ian grins and takes a drink. Paul grins and giggles while leaning to his side, propping himself with hand under his chin.

Angus: No. We’re on Knife-edge now. (laughter) Um, yes, a scheme to…

Ian: That bloke with the shotgun had a good idea… (Rocks around in his chair and grins, as does Paul)

Vincent: You’ll have to have a hug first.

Ian: Oh, right. (Waves hand) No, forget it.

Angus: And he has to admire your cute little body.

Ian raises his eyebrows and chuckles. Paul primps his hair and makes a kissy-face and eyes at Ian. He then proceeds to fan himself, while making eyes at Ian.

Ian: (laughing) Don’t tempt me!

Paul: Don’t tempt you to do what?

Ian cracks up.

Paul: Car stereos nicked from faces of five men.

Paul and Vincent’s caption was on the Very Best of DVD.

Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest

s12-07 15 Nov 1996 Mark Hurst Francis Wheen

Notable for the record point margin between the teams and Merton referring to Hislop as a "little shit".

Angus: Good evening and welcome to the show and if anyone is watching this programme having recorded it on VideoPlus, you should be joining us about......now.

Paul’s attire: Dark blue velvet jacket over lighter blue button up shirt

Mark: That’s OJ with a bit of his wife.

Crowd reacts sourly.

Lots of flirty looks between Paul and Ian.

Angus: Do you know what the difference between a meteor and an asteroid is?

Paul: One rides a bike.

Ian: (about the shipping cart thefts and usage of choppers to find them) What do they do, shine a light on them saying “This is the police”?

Paul: “Lots of grunt on top”? (…) It’s like he’s shagging pigs!

Paul: (on Tom Cruise) He’s only 5 inches high.

Paul: (on fear of eye contact) In my day, it’s called “Who’re you screwin’?”

Paul: (about George Washington and his wooden teeth) He used to wash them with Pledge.

Guest Publication: DONUT DIRECTORY

Ian: First people used to call you “Girl”, now your telling us you used to wear puff-ball skirts?!

Paul: There’s a thread running all through it.

Ian: Mmm. That’s an odd youth you had-.

Paul: Give us a kiss.

Ian gives a “…should I….” look while Paul smiles.

Ian: One of the worst offers I ever had.

Angus: It’s a hideous image.

Mark: In boxing - all you get if you win is a huge purse!

“Sex clamp hits *what*” Paul: Prostitutes!

Paul: (after Francis wanted to give Ian the points) No, no we'll have them, because its one of the biggest scores we’ve ever had over that little shit over there! (Covers his mouth in shock as everyone cracks up, including Ian, who finally starts after a few seconds) I’m sorry! (Laughing) Sometimes when you talk quickly, you don’t know what the end of the sentence is gonna be. I’m sorry.

Paul actually looks genuinely mortified and sorry for his insult.

Ian: No, no, Britain’s Wittiest Man!

Paul: I’m sorry.

Ian: “That little shit”. Roll over, Oscar Wilde!

Paul: I apologize.

Ian: Merton’s in town.

Paul: I apologize immediately, I’m sorry.

On the pirate video they have an outtake where Paul interrupts Angus.

Angus: It is particularly ironic...

Pail: I was just getting to the end of the sentence and the rhythm demanded a four letter word....I think you got off quite lightly from where I'm sitting.

Angus: Well, thank fuck for that.

Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest

s12-08 22 Nov 1996 Jack Docherty Austin Mitchell

Angus: Good evening and welcome to the show and if any Internet users are considering accessing the 'Have I Got News For You' website, you should get out more.

Paul’s attire: light gray jacket over light brown plaid button up shirt

Paul: (after joking about fish arming themselves) Yeah, Dolphins, it only takes so much to make them turn on you.

Angus: It could happen…

Paul: You ever seen a haddock with a howitzer?

Jack: (on what didn’t fail in the Channel tunnel) The mini bar was ok.

Ian: Amazing but true, (to Jack) like your hair.

Angus: This is the fire (Audience member lets out a “Woo!”) that swept through- (looks up in alarm, Ian laughs)

Jack: His constituency agents. They’re going “Great, I’ll vote for him again.”

Paul’s comments about the travelling problems with the trains were on the Very Best of special.

Austin: Private Eye’s bus services.

Austin: (After succumbing to hollering laughter when an attempt at a joke failed) (to Paul) What's it like to have a real comedian on the show?!

He buries his head in his hands.

Paul: Would you- would you like someone to come and sit with you?

Ian and Jack’s Tabloid headline about Fergie was on the Very best of.

Ian: It’s a sad story.

Angus: Yes, but we find it amusing.

Paul: A rather unfortunate pose for Prince Edward.

Angus: And you’re wanting a point in that?

Ian: No two.

Jack: Is Liberace the only one who messed it up by having his boyfriend say he was not gay?

Angus: Why is (Starkey’s) name misspelt?

Paul: Because some of the letters are wrong.

Guest Publication: FIRESIDE

“*What* not known to Blair” Ian: Austin Mitchell.

Angus: Hats off to our winners; piss off to our losers...

Paul double takes.

John Major bit was on the Very Best of Special.

Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest

s12-09 29 Nov 1996 Alan Davies Jennifer Paterson

Angus: Good evening and welcome to the show and with Ian Hislop 6-2 down in games and four Fridays left until Christmas, what a shame tonight's show is the last in the series.

Paul’s attire: Blue denim jacket over dark blue button up.

Angus: So let’s waste no time and watch television.

Alan: I’m not bad, am I?

Ian: You don’t really read the Daily Express, do you?

Alan: I read it the other day because I was going on a topical news show.

Alan is just adorable.

Angus: (after Alan’s been going on about the food storage lorry’s) You’re watching Have I Got News For You, by the way.

Ian: “A, B, C, L”, must be an English School.

I think Ian broke Paul with that “Shiva” thing.

Paul: I’m- I’m confused by that mime there.

Jennifer: (on what she shoots) Rabbit. Anything.

Paul: Quiz Show Hosts, everything.

Alan: Is this out in the wild or do you just go into Sainsbury’s and go “There’s One”? (Pretends to shoot someone)

Alan: Topical news, my arse. (Does squirrel impression) Squirrels!

Angus: You can’t get points repeating what Ian said.

Angus: No, you were described recently in the Times as a 'grand-mere terrible'.

Paul: Oh, now what's this mean?

Alan: Terrible grandmother.

Jennifer: Terrible grandmother. But I'm a spinster of the parish of Westminster. I'm not a grandmother.

Angus: Exactly!

Jennifer: No. So they got it wrong!

Ian: Clare Short's a grandmother and she didn't know it. Jecasta was a grandmother and didn't know it. Linford Christie's isn’t a grandmother...

Jennifer: And nor am I!

Ian: Oh, he's grandfather and didn't know it! And Jennifer, you've got a secret child who's here tonight! (Points to the audience, Alan stands to scan for the ‘child’)

Paul: Mother!

Paul's hugs his “mother"

Jennifer: It's you! (Ruffles his hair)

Paul: How have you been keeping?

Jennifer: Very well! Very well!

Paul: Do you see much of dad these days?

Jennifer: He went! He went!

Paul: Did he?

Angus: Aw, sad isn't it?!

Paul: Never trust a coalman.

Jennifer: No!

Paul: Empty their sacks and off they go!

Paul: (Alan is in the pic of Dale Winton) Who’s that lovely looking lady with Dale Winton?

Paul and Jennifer talk about famous old actors, mentioning Conrad Vike, making Angus mouth “Who?” to Ian and Alan.

Ian: They are mother and son.

Alan: Pluto, King of the Underwear, it has to be!

Ian: Is this about having boys?

Angus: In what way?

Jennifer: (On corporal punishment) I was beaten with a Mason Pearson hairbrush, and it broke in two, and I looked at my mother and I said: 'See?'

Guest Publication: TANDOORI

“MP’s protest at having slept with *what*” Jennifer: One another.

“OJ was *What* at time of murders” Ian: Murdering.

Paul: (on peppermints acting like laxatives) Which seems silly because you take them to freshen your breath in the first place. Not shit yourself.

Jennifer gives Paul a gentle scolding slap.

Paul: Sorry Mum.

Next post will be the picspam of this season.

Top Ten Mike McShane Moments

2009-11-05T21:40:45Z

Thanks to everyone who has posted their moments since I started this thing. Now, hot off the presses, the Top Ten Mike McShane Moments:

View them here:

10 - 8

7 - 6

5 - 3

2 - 1
Next up is the man with the weird eyebrows. That's right, next up is Steve Frost so post your favorite Steve moments here.

Yankees VS Phillies

2009-10-26T13:15:16Z

Yankees.

Phillies.

World Series.

Can't wait

Latest music video - Michael Jackson Tribute

2009-10-16T22:28:18Z

Hot off the presses, a new music video and - GASP - it's not a WLIIA related video!

It's...

a Michael Jackson Tribute video!

Yes, I did a Michael Jackson Music Video. It's done to the other version of "Sexbomb" by Tom Jones.

Check it out here
View, comment, rave, drool, moan.

Paul Project: HIGNFY Season 10 observation, quotes, and pic spam part 2

2009-10-12T21:50:29Z

And here is the Picspam of Series 10.

Warning, image heavy.

Welcome back to a new season with our favorite boys

The two "P's" - Paul and Paula

I really felt sorry for Ian's teammate in this episode

Paul found "Ceiling Cat" again

I love it when they confuse Paul.

Ian DID NOT like Paula, but remember: He DID NOT start the "boob jokes"

Stop being unkind

Should Ian stop being unkind?

How should Paul put this?

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

So much for sisterhood

OMG NO WAI!

Paul ponders about how you get fake breasts

Ian gains his 'nickname'

"Even your insults emanate from the genitals!"

ALGEBRA!? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nightmares of high school.

Failwink

Squee

Paul wisely geting the fuck outta there

Is that Tony Slattery?

Brown suit for Ian!

Uhhhh wha?

Ok, bored now.

Spot Paul's BF

giggle

You won't see that on US newsstands

conceil the giggle

Now Paul's got the brown jacket

Hamster face ^_^

Impressions game!

Paul does 'em

Ian ponders his career ending

Melvyn's next to be made fun of, lol!

Gorgeous

Can't do Melvyn, but he can do two others

George Harrison! "Well, the thing about the Beetles..."

That's Lily Savage!!

Plus an Alec Guinness FTW

He can do Julian Clary, too, if you're interested.

You're turn, Ian :D

Yes, it's Ian's doppliganger

"Don’t leave me this way, I can’t SURVIVE!!!!"

"Ooooooo, BABY!!!!"

Iz embarassed

Paul: .....what the fuck was that?

Uhoh, an Angus-shagging-Caroline joke!

Does not approve

Headdesk

Nice jacket

We're serious boys

Hai Angus

Ian in odd one out

Has no appendix

He can't mention Bagpuss...

Aw damn, he did!

Gigglelolz

He's onto you

Whateva

Teh fuck?

♥♥♥

OMG, IT'S NEIL'S BFF, MARTIN!

O RLY?

Paul goes Beetles fanboy - so cute

Yay for Ringo impression

Angus and Teresa don't like it though...

OH NO!

NOT "THE FACE"!!!

Giggles

Hot

Mock the look

O RLY... again

Give Paul a massage.

Rub-rub
Rub-rub

THUD!

...wha'd I miss?

Hmmmmmm

Paul is onto you

Neil knows the subtext

Smile

ALAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*pulls up a shield to brace herself from flailing fangirls*

I ahve absolutely NO IDEA what his shirt says

ILU Alan

Don't worry, Paul, ILU too

:D

playing with his "Not a perm" hair

LOLIan!

Paul

Facepalm

"Do not want"

Looks like they're scheming up something

Looks like he's got a fleece vest on

facepalm

Smile again

Here we go again with the "Angus shags Paul's wife" jokes

Does not approve again

Not that I hate running jokes, but really, Angus, think of some better material.

Winter several years ago where I live

Oh hai!

Um... no.

*ded*

I iz serious Paul

Ian's turn to spot Ceiling Cat

Parrot Sketch Not Included

Poor Paul

Screw you guys, I'm going home

Nice wastecoat, Ian

♥♥♥♥♥♥

Yes, Angus is wearing plaid

Ian in deep thought

BLARG! *Iz ded*

cuties

The bird hasn't said a bloody word!

It is cute, though.

Yeah...

"Come on, say hello."

But wait for it..

It FINALLY says something! "Hello"

Drink up, Ian. It's been a long night.

And that is why there's never been an animal sidekick on the show since.

And that is it for the Series 10 picspam. View all of the choice screens here: http://s857.photobucket.com/albums/ab138/Shinigami518/HIGNFY%20Season%2010/

Series 11... will only be one episode since there's only one episode that has Paul on it. So it'll be combined with Series 12, which will come sometime in the future.

Paul Project: HIGNFY Season 10 observation, quotes, and pic spam part 1

2009-10-12T20:55:26Z

It's back!

For those who are still interested in my Paul Project, here's the next instalment.

Yes, I did delete my old photobucket account, but now I got a new one up and yes, it does contain most of the pics I originally posted in the past picspams. You may view them here: http://s857.photobucket.com/albums/ab138/Shinigami518/

Anyway, here's series 10 of the Paul Project/HIGNFY pic spam/review

Have I Got News For You
Season 10: Impressions, Alan Davis, the "Sperm of the Devil", and THAT DAMN PARROT!
Names in Bold denote the winner of that episode

Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest

s10-01 27 Oct 1995 Gordon Kennedy Paula Yates

Angus: Good evening and welcome to the tenth series of 'Have I Got News For You' and if any sceptic feels that the show's witty satire has now given way to crude abuse then they can just fuck off.

Paul’s attire: Black jacket over dark blue shirt

Angus: Paul and Paula – a more apt pairing we’ve never seen the likes of since Rene and Renate.

Angus: Let’s see if you can stomach this.

Gordon: (as the clip starts) ARGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ian: (after Paul talked about the oldest woman calling Van Gogh smelly) Sounds like someone else (Paula stares at Paul) met this bloke when she was 14, ended up thinking he was smelly.

Paul: (befuddled) What are you talking about?

Paula: Are you having a sight at me?

Ian: No.

Gordon: No.

Paula: Ok.

Ian: We’re having a go at you.

Ian: (after Paul said her name was Maria) How do you spell that, Paul? G-o-r-e, is it?

Paul: (confused) Wha- you see- you’ve gone mental! (laughter) You’re sitting there in a world of your own!

Gordon: (On the world's oldest woman's smoking habit) She gave up when she was 105 - bored because it wasn't killing her.

Paul: Must enough coupons to get whatever she wants.

Paul: Is everybody gone mad?!

That bit about Paul being on Clive Anderson is actually true: if you look closely at the end of this episode you'll see Paul taking his microphone off and rushing off the stage.

Ian: I thought the World’s Oldest Woman was Janet Street-Porter.

Paul: Is it breast implants?

Paula: Oh, well that's very gentlemanly! That's really nice! You could have said it was Gazza, me, and her have all dyed our hair.

Paul: Yeah...

Angus: But he would have been wrong though, wouldn't he?

Paula: But he would have been more of a gentleman!

Angus: Mmhm, Yes...

Ian: It's a big secret though isn't it, your breast implants? I mean, you certainly kept it quiet.

Paula: Yeah, I was straight on the phone to someone with a greasy shirt in Wapping saying "please discuss my breasts with the nation"!

Ian: And "can you buy the rights to my book?".

Paula: Yes!

Ian: I mean, its terrible bloody media intrusion. Look, the cameras are in, Paula!

Paula: Ian, please stop being unkind. Don't be unkind.

Ian: Should I stop being unkind?

(most of the audience shout 'no')

Paul: Well, there's only one way to sort this out. If you want Ian to stop being unkind, phone 09866...

Ian: I'm a bit worried, because, apparently, your current beau beats people up, doesn't he?

Paula: He sometimes gets a bit cross.

Ian: If the photographers come in and they're from the wrong organization and you haven't sold the pictures to them.

Paula: We both punch them, yes.

Ian: You both punch them. Well, there you go!

Angus: Fair enough.

Ian: Two black eyes next week, then!

Angus: Yes, well there's nothing wrong with physical violence, let's face it.

Paul: Who's going to have two black eyes?

Ian: You are!

Paul: (to Paula) You're not going jogging are you?

Paula: Oh dear!

Paul: Is it got something to do with the fact that they all dye their hair?! (laughter)

Angus: Well, a gentlemanly answer, but unfortunately wrong.

Paul: Ah, wait a minute. He was seen- he, Gazza, he did the thing with the plastic breasts didn't he? On the team bus. The plastic breasts, didn't he? When they came back from the World Cup or whatever. She must be the Odd One Out, the one at the right top, because she's the only one who has been seen - how do I put this - with...

Paula: With big plastic bosoms, is that what you're trying to say?

Angus: However, you put it, it's the wrong answer.

And it gets worse…

Angus: Paula here had a breast enlargement operation at the beginning of her relationship with Michael Hutchence...

Paula: Oh honestly, Angus, how can you say that?

Ian: He's just sitting there, talking the truth!

Paul: We don't know what the truth is!

Paula: Yeah, how do you know?

Ian: You mean the book's rubbish? Well, I know that, but I mean...

Paula: Ian!

Paul: Once again, knowing how to judge an audience!

Paula: Ian once again knowing how to woo a woman into submission!

Ian: No, I gather it took six days to write this book. Did you get writer's block or something?!

Paula: If you say one more thing, he's going to hi you!

Paul: I will, in all. I'll take great pleasure in thumping my fist into that great face of yours!

Angus: It was around the tenth series that things began to get nasty!

Ian: The great wit of the twentieth century!

Angus: So Paula, put us right then. Is that all wrong? Did you not have a breast enlargement operation at the beginning of your relationship with Michael?

(Female audience member shouts 'yes!')

Paula: All right! So much for sisterhood!

Paul: When you go along, do they give you, like, a wallpaper chart...

Ian: 'So much for sisterhood'?

Paula: Well, that was a woman who said 'yes!'.

Ian: Is that what you said to Helena Christiensen?

Angus: Oooh!

Paula: Oh!

(Audience unrest)

Ian: I can't believe it!

Paul: Who's Helena Christiensen?

Angus: We can always resort to physical violence after the show!

Paul: So when you go along, do you get like a wallpaper chart book, and you say 'well, I'll have one of those, and that'd look quite good with the sideboard actually. I'll have that'.

Paula: Do you really want to know?

Paul: Or do you just take a bowler hat and say 'give us two of those'?

Paula: No! They take you into this room and there's millions of bosoms, and you say 'I'll have those'.

Paul: Really?

Paula: Yeah!

Angus: Good, well thank you for putting us straight on that Paula.

Paula: No, feel free. (Looks at Ian) I really despise you now.

Angus: We've despised him for ages!

It doesn’t stop there.

Paula: Gabriela Sabatini is advertising milk, that's why she has that little milky moustache, and Ganesh - it says here (points to the set, Angus looks where she’s pointing) 'not another drop says Ganesh the elephant' and then it says 'her amazing milky miracle' - and that's because... (Catches Ian's eye)... don't even look at me, you sperm of the devil - and he, the reason he's there is because he suddenly had this miracle...

Ian: Sperm of the devil!

Paula: He was drinking milk...

Ian: Even your insults emanate from the genitals!

Paula VS Ian in the Odd One Out was on the very best of because of the chaos and banter, plus Paula calling Ian “Sperm of the Devil”. There is a lot more extra stuff also on the DVD. Part of what is shown in the DVD is also on the Outtakes bit shown on the Pirate Video.

Gordon: Well, any ideas, sperm of the devil?

-So much banter and anger…

Paula: The Pope's the odd one out...

Angus: Yes.

Paula: ...because Hugh Grant has maybe done something embarrassing.

Paul: He certainly did.

Ian: Maybe? I thought he was convicted.

Paula: I still don't believe it. The Japanese...

Gordon: You don't believe it's embarrassing or you don't believe he did it?

Paul: What's all this picking going on?

Paula: Yes, from you two!

Gordon: I'm not picking, I'm asking! I'm not the sperm of the devil, he is! I'm just asking! I'm just interested to know, that's all!

Ian: Don't get unpopular by doing stuff about blowjobs.

Paul: That was just like the devil wasn't it? Behind somebody's shoulder, and over here you've got Malcolm Muggeridge going 'don't do it!' 'Yes, do it!' 'No, don't!'

Paula: I'm telling you Angus - please look at me while I'm telling you!

Angus: Yes, I will do.

Paula: And the Japanese had to say that they did something embarrassing in the war.

Paul: Yeah.

Ian: Public apologies.

Angus: Public apologies is the right area...

Ian: Grant apologised to his girlfriend Liz Hurley.

Angus: So who hasn't apologised?

Ian: Diana apologised publicly to herself, for Will Carling and Julia's appalling behaviour! No she hasn't apologised to anyone, she's the odd one out.

Angus: She's the odd one out, you got there in the end, yes.

Gordon: The Pope apologised for having his finger stuck in his ear.

Paula: What did the Pope apologise for?

Angus: Oh, he apologised to women, all over the world. He did.

Paula: Did he?

Angus: Yes.

Paula: He said 'sorry, I insist!'

Gordon: He said 'sorry, I'm not for sale!'

Guest Publication: POWDER TECHNOLOGY

AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALGEBRA!!!!!!

Paul: Airborne shoe shop drops cargo. (laughter) Freebman, Harvey, and Willis meet up after several years.

Paul and Paula’s Caption was on the Very Best of Special.

Watch Paul during the credits after Angus says “Goodnight” – he just unhooks his mike and rushes off backstage.

Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest

s10-02 3 Nov 1995 Bob Mills Alex Salmond

The discovery in Michael Barrymore’s Cellar was on the very best of special.

Angus: On the Sperm of the Devil- On Ian Hislop’s team…

Paul’s attire: Blue denimi-ish jacket over red shirt.

Holy Crap, Tony Slattery was in the third clip!!

Bob: (about the proposed decriminalisation of cannabis) David Frost has been sold a very dodgy batch there, because if it crumbles that easily there's something wrong with it.

Drug jokes abound!

ROUND TWO - SPOT THE ILLEGALITY:

Paul: Dog’s aren’t allowed in the sea unless in Scuba Diving equipment.

Ian: What if you wear a shirt with no trousers? (Angus considers this for a moment) We could have a lot of fun with this! (laughs)

Paul: (to Alex) You’re not Tony Slattery's dad, are you?

Paul’s “McDonald’s” Odd One Out was on the Very Best of special.

Ian: Was Holness an actor? Before he became a Countdown host?

Bob: He could’ve become anything he wanted after becoming a host on Countdown. I know what he was before he became the host of Blockbusters.

Crowd reacts sourly and Ian shakes his head.

Bob: He started it!

Paul debates the James Bond Odd One Out answer.

Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest

s10-03 10 Nov 1995 Melvyn Bragg Mike Yarwood

Paul’s Attire: Brown jacket over yellow button up shirt

Mike: I thought this was a light entertainment show.

Melvyn: (When asked how his meeting that week with John Major had been) Brief!

Mike: (On MPs having to declare outside financial interests) I think it's a lot of fuss. If MPs want to earn a bob or two outside and it's legal, what the heck? I'll be perfectly honest with you - if I had been offered a fee to appear on this show, I would have taken it.

Mike: Is Julia Somerville the person that Ian looks like?

Paul: Jimmy.

Mike: Oh, Jimmy.

ROUND TWO - IMPRESSIONOMETER:

Harold Wilson - Paul nominates himself; Ian nominates Melvyn

Angus: Impressive, huh?

Ian: (after Paul’s impression) I didn’t know Harold Wilson was Welsh?

Eddie Waring - Paul nominates Mike; Ian nominates Melvyn

Ian: Why do I feel like my career has ended?

Melvyn Bragg - Paul nominates himself; Ian nominates Melvyn

Paul: I can’t do it at all.

Mike: Neither can Melvyn.

Paul’s George Harrison impression makes an appearance much to the joy of Paul Fan-Girls. Ian states that Paul sounded like “Lily Savage”. Paul then does his Alec Guinness impression.

Paul: I can do Julian. Julian Clary.

Angus: Yes, I'm sure you can. Thank you.

Jimmy Somerville - Paul nominates himself; Ian nominates himself

Ian: (‘singing’ in a high pitch) Don’t leave me this way, I can’t SURVIVE!!!! (Laughter and applause) Ooooooo, BABY!!!! (More laughter and applauses; Paul stares at Ian in stunned confusion) I can’t imagine doing Question Time again.

The Impressions game was on the Very best of special due to all the impressions, plus Paul’s George Harrison impression and Ian’s AMAZING Jimmy Sommervile impression. On commentary, Ian ribs on Paul for the doing the Harold Wilson impression when that was the reason why Yarwood was on the show in the first place.

Angus: The drugs that Paul is on tonight…

Paul: …Are available at any chemist if you get the combination right.

Angus: (after Paul got the right answer) Bugger.

Paul: Is that an invite or just a-?

Angus: (softly) Didn’t manage him or his wife. (Paul frowns and audience oohs)

Paul: I didn’t hear that.

Paul forces Angus to do a “Michael Caine” impression.

Ian: They are performance artists, except Elton.

The caption was on the Very Best of special.

Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest

s10-04 17 Nov 1995 Alan Coren Terry Christian

Angus: Good evening and welcome to the show that takes a long, hard look at the serious news events of the week and then sniggers about the Heritage Minister having the word 'bottom' in her name.

Paul’s attire: cream coloured plaid jacket over faded blue shirt

Angus: Put it all together?

Ian: And you’ll have one of the funniest stories of the week, I would say!

Terry hasn’t said a word at all during this round.

Angus makes a points joke when comparing Ian’s losing to Paul on the show to Taylor’s losing streak.

ROUND TWO - SPOT THE ILLEGALITY:

Ah, finally Terry speaks!

Angus: Well, if you don’t know that round three is the Odd One Out round, then you must be deaf because I just told you.

Lol! Ian’s in Paul’s Odd one out!

Paul teases Ian about Private Eye and his current case involving Robert Maxwell.

Paul: I can’t say the word “Bagpuss”. (does a “Oh man” gesture) I done it! (fumes)

Love Ian and Paul’s reaction to what the Odd one out was.

Funny that it mentions that Ian had his appendix removed, he actually appeared on the show the day he was going to have it removed and Ian actually talks about the episode where he had it. ^_^

Guest Publication: FANCY FOWL

Angus: (on Terry) He doesn’t say much, but what he does say… is libelist.

“*What* record inspires Thatcher” Paul: ELO! Terry: Graham Taylor's.

“Blair seeks *what* in members of the WI” Ian: Jam! Angus: Jam. Ian: Jerusalem. Angus: (makes a “WTF” look) Jam, Jerusalem!?

Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest

s10-05 24 Nov 1995 Neil Morrissey Teresa Gorman

Was that Martin Clunes, Neil’s comedic partner, in that third clip? Judging by Neil’s “OMGLOL!!” reaction, I think it was.

Paul’s attire: brownish leather jacket over red button up shirt

Neil: (Camilla Parker-Bowles on a horse) Camilla's getting a piggyback ride from a close relative. (crowd Ooo’s) Was that wrong?

Paul: Is this “Paint a Prat for Christmas”?

-I love Paul.

Paul: THE BEETLES HAVE PUT OUT A NEW RECORD?!

I love it whenever there’s a Beetles related question on the show, Paul acts like such a cute lil’ fanboy, it’s sweet.

Angus: Can you do Ringo as well as George?

Paul: I’d love to.

Ian: Here we go!

Angus: (After Paul ‘sang’ as Ringo) Bit too musically accurate to be Ringo.

Teresa: Too musically horrible if you get it in your left ear. (Paul makes a puppy dog face, then giggles)

Ian: Oh, don’t do that Diana look! (Ian mimics it)

Angus: Seemed to work for her.

ROUND TWO - SPOT THE ILLEGALITY:

Teresa: Don’t use that word.

Ian: What, shit?

Teresa: It’s rude.

Teresa: (a guy is being beaten with leaves) This is a Tory being whipped. (Angus makes an “OH REALLY” face) My male colleagues are really into that stuff.

Neil: Tell us something we don’t know!

Ian: But you lost the whip, have you?
Teresa: Yes, I have.

Neil: I have it at home! (laughter) You can have it back later.

Teresa: Massaging is very relaxing. Have you ever been massaged?
Paul: Go on then. (Sits with back against her, she rubs his back, Paul ‘collapses’ on the desk. He sits back up, ‘dazed’) Is it Sarah Ferguson?

Teresa: A lot of this is disgusting, you know.

Angus: Yes, that’s how we like it.

Teresa: (laughing) John Redwood is the only one from another planet.

Ian: And to think John Major called you a bastard.

Ian: (After Paul’s answer about it being not wearing pants) That’s the most pathetic answer (laughs)

Paul: Well wait until it’s your go!

Angus: Teresa, you’re impossible question…

Paul: You’re impossible, question.

(Laughter)
Teresa: Isn’t he sweet?

Angus: He is.

Paul makes shifty eyes.

Teresa: I’m just trying to mend the gulf between us.

Paul: Oh there’s no gulf.

Teresa: Good.

Paul: It’s a chasm.

Paul: The rabbit’s the only one who’s been to Hawaii.

Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest

s10-06 1 Dec 1995 Alan Davies Ken Livingstone

Angus: Good evening and welcome to the repeat of this show, unless you're watching it on Friday, in which case you can see the introduction of this programme tomorrow.

The ever so fluffy Alan Davies makes his first appearance on HIGNFY. He is famous for staring in Jonathon Creek, his stand-up, and for being the regular panellist on Stephen Fry’s “QI”. And no, he does NOT have a perm! It’s not a perm!

Paul’s attire: dark blue suit jacket over white shirt with image on it and text that says something I can’t really make out. “Safin__ the ____”

Alan is adorable.

Angus: Have you been attacked on a walkabout?

Ken: Oh, I’ve been attacked so many times…

Paul: I subscribe to edible lobes monthly.

Alan: Joan Collins. The bitch.

Paul: (on his and Ken’s caption) Well, there’s something you don’t see everyday.

Ian: It’s like in a Bond film: the coach turns into an aeroplane.

ITCHYANUS!!!

Alan: (On a man who had an operation to remove a rubber from his nose) Every time he went like that (scratches his nose) he forgot something.

Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest

s10-07 8 Dec 1995 Craig Charles P. J. O'Rourke

Part of the intro is missing.

Paul’s attire: light grey long sleeve and dark grey fleece vest

Craig has a highly annoying, falsetto giggle. He’s also chewing gum throughout the show.

Ian: Could’ve just sent a fax: “Stop fighting!” (Salutes)

P.J.: The Republicans are the party that says that Government doesn't work, and then they get elected and prove it.

P.J.: (On Clinton ‘carrying’ the red button) Yes, but it’s not attached to anything.

Ian: The Liverpool people are coming to London, and the other people are being sacked. Forget Bosnia (slaps hand on table, Craig laughs) this is the big one!

Ian: Why do people think husband and wife teams have better sexual chemistry? I mean, remember when we had Paul’s wife on the show. (Paul frowns) Well, duh!

Angus: Yes, I remember when I had Paul's wife on this show

Paul: (pauses) God, Angus, when you get a hold of a joke, you don’t let it go.

Craig: (On the Duchess of York losing her jewels at an airport) It's the first time she's lost five stones.

Paul: Is that Hugh Grant’s middle name: Hugh Council Grant?

Ian: It’s like the Miner strike, but without horses.

Angus: (raises eyebrow at camera) Ian’s gone, everyone.

Angus and drug jokes. *rolls eyes*

P.J: (on Playboy and Hilary Clinton being in it) And they wonder why their sales have been down!

Ian: (to Craig) Have you just admitted to a crime?!

Ian: (to Craig) You’re hopeless!

Guest Publication: DOGS TODAY

“*What* needs waterproof socks” Craig: Jesus Christ needs waterproof socks. Robert Maxwell? Ian: I couldn't possibly say!

“Queen Mother steps out with *what*” P.J.: James Gilbey! Paul: Sammy Davis Junior. P.J.: New hip. Angus: 'New hip' is probably right but it's not actually the answer. Craig: Walking sticks? Angus: I'll give you one for... P.J.: Will Carling! Angus: How dare you! Slur on our royal family.

It's difficult to tell, even on freeze frame, but Craig appears to be holding a roll-up cigarette during the Missing Words round.

Caption Contest: Ian: Aliens create new porn circles!

Craig: A severe case of vandruff.

Index Air date Ian's guest Paul's guest

s10-08 15 Dec 1995 Lee Hurst Mark Little, Colin the Parrot [7]

Angus: Good evening and I welcome you with words never before spoken on this programme - with one show left, Ian is in the lead.

Paul’s attire: blue sweater over lighter blue shirt

The parrot had been trained to squawk out various heckles at Angus, but in the end, its only contribution was a brief "Hello" towards the end. Paul later explained that such (failed) gimmicks like this contributed to his decision to take the following series off.

Ian: (on Libel) My specialist subject.

Lee: Shall I go out for a walk while you do that?

Paul: How can you be under the world’s largest woman?

Second Round - HAS THE DAILY EXPRESS GONE MAD?

This round was based on the habit of the Daily Express to ask minor celebrities their views on a big question of the day. Each panellist was given the question and told to choose which of six celebrities were asked by the newspaper to answer it.

Angus: I may have to rush you.

Lee: Yeah, but you’ll have to stand up first so I can have time to get out of the way.

Angus and Paul have a row about whether 'lavatory' or 'toilet' was the right word to use.

Mark: Is that like a dunny?

Ian: Do they sell a pint of maggots in pubs?

Lee: I don’t think they tell you it’s that.

Guest Publication: ARAB NEWS

“Kinky sex not *what*” Ian: Cheep enough.

Paul: Why does Ian get a point when it’s my answer?!

Ian: Because you read it in MY magazine!

Paul: Let me just say that it was the producer’s idea – Harry Thompson – to have this parrot on because it would be really funny… and it hasn’t said a bloody word! (Turns to face the bird, strokes its neck with one finger)

Angus: And its not gonna say a bloody word.

Paul: Come on, say “hello”.

Paul kind of melts when he pets the bird and talks to it.

The last bit with Colin the Parrot finally speaking was on the very best of special. There is also an end note image cut with a joke about “World Charisma Day”, which was followed by Colin the Parrot finally saying something: “Hello”.

Next post will be the picspam of this season.

Top Ten Mike Moments - What are your favorite Mike moments

2009-10-07T23:14:03Z

Next up on the list is the big man himself: Mike McShane.

So post your favorite Mike moments, whether it be music or regular.

Top Ten Paul Merton Moments

2009-10-07T23:06:21Z

Here it is: the Top Ten Paul Merton moments. (Plus, some top Paul moments from HIGNFY)

10 - 8

7 - 5

4 - 2

1

Next post will reveal the next on the list

Shinigami 518's place of rants

Happy 2010

But Seriously... - Sequel to Truly, Madly, Deeply - Part 1

Michael Jackson video - What a Feeling

Merry Christmas

The New Top Ten series - Top ten game moments

Random Meme to cure boredum.

More Michael Macros

The future of the Top Ten

MJ dream number 3

Random meme is randomly funny

Michael Jackson video - Sanctuary

Macros for all

AMA's and dreams on MJ

Michael Jackson's B-Movie Show - new video

Writer's Block: Time in a bottle

Paul Project: HIGNFY Season 11/12 observation, quotes, and pic spam part 2

Paul Project: HIGNFY Season 11/12 observation, quotes, and pic spam part 1

Top Ten Steve moments - Post your favorite Steve moments

Top Ten Mike McShane Moments

Yankees VS Phillies

Latest music video - Michael Jackson Tribute

Paul Project: HIGNFY Season 10 observation, quotes, and pic spam part 2

Paul Project: HIGNFY Season 10 observation, quotes, and pic spam part 1

Top Ten Mike Moments - What are your favorite Mike moments

Top Ten Paul Merton Moments